


Barry Bluejeans is Wanted For Death Crimes

by writing_and_worrying



Series: Canon Flavoured TAZ [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Barry is just a weird spooky dude, Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Elf Ears as Spell Components, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, F/M, Gen, Light Angst, Necromancy, dont worry about that one, love him tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 11:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_and_worrying/pseuds/writing_and_worrying
Summary: Barry is itching to do some death crimes but the whole thing with The Hunger kind of gets in the way.





	Barry Bluejeans is Wanted For Death Crimes

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: no blood or gore in this chapter but some mentions of it and in later chapters there will be lots
> 
> Please leave Kudos and a comment :) they are very motivating and helpful for me and I love hearing how you feel about my content!
> 
> This is nearly 2000 words of me projecting onto Barry whoops

Around cycle three or four Barry started to get antsy. The rest of the crew didn't notice, yet, but he was constantly fidgeting whenever he wasn't doing something. Or he would write. Lucretia attempted to strike up conversation with him a few weeks into the cycle, asking him what was in the leatherbound book he was always carrying around. He didn't reply, slamming the book shut loudly and rushing away with it before she could get another word in. After that, people started noticing.

See, Barry had left out a pretty important section of his IPRE application. Under _hobbies and interests_ he had written 'studying planer physics' and nothing else. This, while not untrue, wasn't exactly the full picture. No- what Barry was really interested in, undeniably, was necromancy. And, well, morbid biology. Not quite taxidermy, but he wasn't particularly against the idea of dissecting organs just for fun (and for death crimes).

It had been a long goddamn time since Barry had got his hands on a corpse, and he was bored out of his mind because of it. And it was almost as if he was being tempted, since his crewmates kept on dying and their bodies were just _going to waste._ But, obviously, he couldn't just waltz in and take someone's body if they died- that would be really weird. That's why he didn't write it on his application.

Unfortunately, a few weeks after the book incident, the rest of the crew decided to do an intervention. Lup dragged him into the 'living room' section of the Starblaster and sat him down on a chair.

Magnus and Davenport sat on the couch to Barry's left while Taako sat on the couch to his right. Lup was standing behind the couch with Taako on, leaning on the headrest. There was a rose wood coffee table in the centre of the room. Lucretia sat on the chair opposite Barry. Which is why he immediately clocked Lucretia holding his book- how the hell did she get that? He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off before he could get a word out.

"Okay we need to talk," Captain Davenport said, setting down a glass of water on the table. It was casual, but Barry sensed an uneasy aura in the air. He could feel everyone's eyes on him as he sank into his seat a little.

"Your, uh, book. You understand why we're concerned?" Magnus spoke up from the couch, half-heartedly gesturing to the book in Lucretia's hands.

"Yes," Barry replied, truthfully. He had hoped to keep his hobby a secret, but that's just not how life works- apparently. Now he was just doing his best to hide any emotions he had for the situation. He needed to scope how the scene was playing out before making a decisive move. It was like a game of cards, don't let your 'opponent' know what you're thinking.

"You get that it's not very... _Gucci_ to write about how 'thrilling' organs are, right?" Taako asked, twirling a pen in his hand with a slight frown. He honestly seemed more interested in the pen but it was.. a valid question. Barry grimaced a little at Taako's choice of words and folded his arms so that he was hugging himself.

"Of course," he said in a small voice, feeling more and more like a deer in headlights by the minute. Again, he couldn't stand the eyes drilling into him. Silence filled the room like a viscous honey, encasing Barry's body and filling his lungs- suffocating him. Lucretia was bent forward- her hands supporting her head- staring at Barry as she used his book to rest her elbows. She was impossible to read.

Taako and Lup exchanged a look with Magnus that meant nothing to anyone but themselves. Davenport sighed and shook his head, opening his Captain's Log Book. Lucretia nodded faintly- as if to herself- eyes still locked onto Barry. Magnus cleared his throat.

"We're... on edge," he said, voice hushed and deliberate. Barry turned to him but he had already looked away. Taako gave Magnus a glare that made Barry's chest feel heavy. The tension in the air was crushing him, yet he was the one causing it. Taako and Magnus had a silent conversation across the room using gestures and expressions that seemed to be growing more and more frustrated. After a while, Taako let out an exasperated sigh.

"This isn't-"

"You don't seem like a _murderer_ , Barry, but..." Lup trailed off, not knowing what to say. What else could she say?

"Yeah, no, I get it," Barry replied, although his voice sounded a little more defensive than he'd hoped. He moved his legs so that he was sitting cross-legged on his chair, grabbing the bottom of his left leg with his hands and attempting to lower his heart rate. He was getting far too worked up far to quickly. He had to calm down, or he'd freak out. And no one needed that.

"Could you give us your side of the story?" Lucretia asked, journal in hand. Taako started tapping his pen on the table, which almost made Barry go into sensory overload, but he carried on. For what seemed like the hundredth time, Barry felt like all eyes were on him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Um, well, I- I guess I've always been interested in sorta gross stuff. Organs and bones and, uhh, gore. Then I discovered- realised- that I could mix that with my love of magic- I, ah, started to study necromancy," he explained as well as he could. Every time he stumbled his body would tense up automatically. He could feel his face heating up but at this point he didn't care, he just wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"Ah, so you're a criminal," Magnus accused, crossing his arms. Maybe 'necromancy' was too strong of a buzzword to just throw around like that. Barry scratched the back of his neck and sighed.

"Not... entirely,"

"Never a good sign," mumbled Taako under his breath, but loudly enough for Barry to hear.

"I never did anything _explicitly_ illegal-" Barry glared at Taako- "and I'm definitely not a murderer, I promise. I only ever worked with things that were already dead when I found them." By the end of the sentence, Barry had lost all control over his tone, and gave up trying to seem unaffected.

Davenport sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was tired. They all were. This- This _mission-_ it was killing them. And Barry just had to go and throw another spanner in the works.

"You haven't had a chance to do weird necromancy stuff since we started the mission?" Davenport asked, serious in tone. Taako stopped tapping the pen against the table and the room felt very, very empty all of a sudden. The crew awaited Barry's response.

"Nope," he said. And with that, the tension snapped and dissolved, leaving only a few bubbles of doubt and unease behind.

"So that's why you've been so strange lately?" Lup asked, a smile threatening appear on her face. Barry shrugged.

"I guess," he said. Taako laughed and Lup swatted him on the head. Barry didn't blame him though, the idea of _him_ of all people being even remotely associated with, well, death crimes. The room was devoid of stress now, and everyone seemed at least a little more relaxed. Even Lucretia leaned back in her seat a little, no longer glaring daggers into Barry's soul.

"How do we help?" Davenport asked sincerely, using his 'official' voice. Barry smiled at the man's dedication to the crew.

"Oh, you- you can't. I'll get over it, eventually." That was a lie. He could think of quite a few ways his crewmates could help with his studies. Unfortunately, most of them involved-

"We could let you experiment on our bodies if we die during a cycle."

That.

Huh. Barry didn't expect Lup to say that.

"What the fresh fuck, sis?" Taako exclaimed, shooting Lup a disgusted glance. The room's tension began to rise, Barry could feel it as he sunk further back into his seat.

"It's only a suggestion," Lup muttered back, crossing her arms. Taako coughed out a bitter laugh like it was a bad bit of pasta.

" _Who_ would actually be chill with that though?" He interrogated, waving his hands around to emphasise his point. "Hey! Put your hand up if you're cool with Barry stabbing your corpse!"

A few beats passed, and Barry was about to mention that he didn't _stab_ corpses, when he saw Magnus shrug and raise his hand. Then Merle, who had just walked in and seemed intensely disinterested in whatever was really going on. Next was Lucretia, though she seemed a little nervous. Davenport raised his hand just to mess with Taako, Barry was pretty sure. And Lup was laughing hysterically.

"Why the fuck?" Taako screeched, voice shill. The same question was going through Barry's head, too. Why were his crewmates suddenly so down for necromancy shit, when they had started out so uneasy?

"I just wanna know what my bones look like," Magnus offered, receiving an amused nod from Davenport. Barry guessed that was fair enough, bones were pretty interesting.

"The, um, scientific benefits would be quite useful- I think," Lucretia mumbled. Barry gave her a comforting smile, he hoped she didn't feel obligated to agree to his weird necromancy bullshit. She was only a kid, really.

"Barry's a cool spooky man now and I wanna know more," Lup said, throwing Barry a smirk. Barry's face warmed up a bit again, but he played it very cool by sneezing. Another tremendous victory in the world of socializing.

"I'm never speaking to any of you chucklefucks again. No more macaroons for you, my dudes," Taako huffed, not really meaning it. Lup ruffled his hair and he pretended to be angry about it, but a badly-hidden smile told a different story.

"Thanks- Thanks for not freaking out," Barry said, really meaning it. This had gone so much better than he thought it would. And his book was unharmed! Now he could actually look for cool new necromancy knowledge on the worlds they visited. Without being ridiculed. _Nice_.

Lup stretched and started to leave the room. As she passed Barry, she placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping it in a sort of friendly manner. Barry could feel his heart against his ribs as she spoke.

"No problem, here's to hoping that one of us just fuckin' dies!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed that! Check out my other stuff if you did ;)  
> I worked really hard on this one so leave a comment if ya want

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Unusual habits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616195) by [WaltzQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaltzQueen/pseuds/WaltzQueen)




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